January 02, 2021

 The year 2020 went by like a blur for me because I was so focused specifically on the idea that I must survive everything that happened to me that year. I don't really want to delve on the nitty-gritty parts of how my life was last year, let's just say I managed to survive and maintain my composure for the whole year last year. 

It took me more than a year to make another blog post, even though I tried to fight my writer's block (that went on for a year, is that even possible?!). As the new year starts, and I still can't think of anything interesting in my life to share to all of you, why don't I just write a letter to my 2020 self? Sounds weird, right? But I'm still going to it anyway, and here it goes....

To my 2020 self,

You started this year with high hopes that you will achieve something this year that you worked hard for last year. You were so enthusiastic, albeit the fact that you've been anxiously waiting for the results of your hard work last year. Alas, you found out that you failed at something that you've always wanted to have. You were heartbroken and the pain somewhat paralyzed you. Thankfully, you were able to bounce back from that failure. You knew deep down that you've never wanted so much more than this title, and you will get it no matter what. The failure that you experienced made you even hungrier for success. You know you owe it your family, to your God, and to your self, and to every one who never gave up on you nor lost their faith in you even if you already gave up and lost faith on yourself. Please know that as you work hard, please work smarter and pray hardest.

In the middle of the year, you were able to move forward. I am so proud of you! You were able to mend yourself quietly. Please remain resilient. Others gave up on their resiliency, but never give up yours. That is because, at some point in your career, someone out there will rely on your resiliency. So learn to be resilient, it will help you to be more competent.

In the latter part of 2020, you were able to regain control of your life. I'm so proud of you! Who would've thought that you'll be drawn to watching k-drama and online shopping, two of the activities that you were not that much interested in few years ago. But, those two activities kept you sane everyday. 

I know that you're trying to achieve something, and I promise that we will own this year! I'll make sure that every tear you shed last year will be worth it in the end. Thank you for hanging in there, it's my turn now to make you proud.


Work in progress

July 24, 2018

So I have been binge eating and totally hooked on online games lately, when I suddenly got a call from an employer that I sent my CV few weeks ago. Turns out, they want to consider hiring me, but the thing is that their workplace too far from our house and I need to allot 2 hours to travel to and from the workplace. So, I still don't know. Haha. But I will still take their hiring exam for applicants. Maybe this stint is worth a shot.

On another news, the first term for school just started and I am somewhat excited because this will be my last year! I will finally graduate! Yehey! Haha. (I am hoping that nothing unfortunate will happen so that I can finally wear my academic regalia and try to look cute in it. Haha. A girl can try, right?) I might busy again for the next few months, and I might not post so much in this blog or in my other blogs, but I will always be in Twitter ( and Facebook. I do not normally post anything sensible on my microblogging/social media accounts, but I am more active there. Haha.

I have been thinking of setting up for a photoblog anytime soon, I think I will use this blog as my photoblog. The only thing that is holding me back is my lack (or maybe absence) of experience in photography. But I really want to take good photos that has loads of stories in it. Maybe I will set up a Tumblr account and use that as my photoblog (or an online photodump just like what I did on my old flickr account).

On a more personal note, I remember some people close to me asking me if I am seeing anyone lately because of my previous blog post, or am I sending signals here and there that I want to go out with someone I have been eyeing on for a while. My answer is a big fat "NO". Haha. Allow me to remind you that I have been focused on something else lately, and maybe I will get back on the dating scene once I am already done reaching my goals, even if it takes me to signing up on several senior dating sites. Haha. There is nothing wrong with over 50s dating, am I right? Haha. Let's just put it this way, I am a work in progress (despite my age) and I need to focus on building my character and building myself, so that maybe one day, if I will find myself in love again, I will be in love with another person for all the right reason (or maybe for no reason at all). I just want to make sure that I am strong already and I can manage almost everything that I have in my life. I am just hoping that when that time comes, I am ready for all the happiness that I will feel and for the sacrifices that I might need to make. I can give you a litany of reasons, but it only boils down to the idea that I have been focus on my school and career lately, I forgot dating or being in a romantic relationship already. Haha. Oh and by the way, why the rush? right? Haha.


On lovelife and dating

July 16, 2018

I never really openly talk about my lovelife or any dating relationship in general due to the fact that I do not usually go out on a date (plus the fact that I am single, so yeah, you probably get the point. Haha). The common advise that I get is to expand my network and try to go out more to meet new people who I may want to include in my circle of friends. I do not have anything against that idea, but there are times that I need to devote my time on my errands and other important things (such as school and blogging) rather than go out. The next best advise that I got is to sign up to dating sites or dating apps, such as We Love Dates,  that can help me find a perfect match for me, and I must say, this idea is worth a try. I may sign up one day, and I will tell you if there is progress in my dating circle. There is no harm in trying your luck to find your significant other through dating sites or dating apps, just make sure you will be very careful in picking the people you choose to meet and make sure you already have a good set of ideas for your date, so that you will know where to go and what to do on that day. I also found out after a little research that some dating sites (like We Love Dates) could provide its readers with some very cool and useful suggestions for activities that you can try with your date. Not bad for a dating site, right?

To add, we can also use dating sites and dating apps as a good venue to meet new friends. Who says dating apps/dating sites are limited only to finding a date? The possibilities are endless! Probably, you can use these sites/apps to widen your network and to meet new people that may help you in life, not as a date or a significant other, but as a really good friend. To be frank, I was skeptical to try these kind websites/apps at first, but with a little research and extra caution, any one can sign up with these kind of sites/apps unhinged by any fear of any breach of their privacy, considering the fact that most, if not, all of these apps or websites have a very advanced security when it comes to the data that they will collect from you, isn't that awesome?! Haha.

Nobody actually knows what is in store for anyone of us, and maybe one day I will have the courage to sign up for dating apps or dating sites. But for now, I will wait for my "Prince Charming" to come and find me, but not until I run out of patience. Haha.

How about you? What was the best dating advice that was given to you? Were you able to use it? Why or why not? Share away!! :)


To my younger self

January 05, 2018

Year 2017 just ended, and I found myself writing a blog post for my younger self.

Months ago, I found myself apologizing to my younger self because I was not able to achieve the things that I planned to achieve when I was young and naive. Now, I am writing to my younger self....

To the younger Jen,

You came out stronger than what you can possibly imagine, and you became better as days pass by. Do not forget that you've been stronger from the very beginning, and you're still growing stronger as you try to improve yourself day by day.

You are now in a very nice home, free from troubles and threat of being anxious again. You're healthy, but you're currently struggling in maintaining a healthy lifestyle.

You're more disciplined and more independent. Also, I am proud to say that you now know how to groom yourself. You can dress properly, and fashionably, if I may add, and you can put make-up on your face like a pro (haha). You are now the lady that you want to be.

On the other hand, you grew numb and detached. You somewhat lost your attachment to a lot of people ever since the pain of abandonment and betrayal started to kick in. It took the best out of you, but I am proud to say that you don't let other people see it in you. You struggle in silence, but you grew stronger than ever. You were able to survive every piece of shit that were threw on you. You did not give up, even if there were those days that you wanted to give up so bad.

As the year 2017 ended, I promised to my self that I will use this year to improve, so that at the end of this year, I can write again to you, my younger self, and tell you that I grew better than last year. 2018 is a very promising year, and this is the year that I will reach the dream that I've had since I was in 3rd grade. 2018 is the year of my personal growth.

Jen of 2018

What am I thinking of?

August 27, 2014

Happy thoughts. Yes. I am thinking of happy thoughts.

Last week was one of the worst week that I could possibly have. Why? Because last week was our exam week. The amount of stress that I have in my body is just too much or me to handle. I have a lot of "monsters" in my head right now and I need to take a breather.

The only thought that I have in my mind right now is the idea that I will not pass my exams, the whole idea of failing again makes me cringe and cry "internally", as if I am torturing my self day by day. So, now, I am going to try something new. I am trying to think happy thoughts.

These past few days, I've been grumpy and moody, I don't even know what type of emotion I was actually feeling. I can't even figure out what type of mood do I have in a day. Weird, right? I've been like this since a month ago, or maybe 2-3 months ago. I was not like this. I've always been the jolly and bubbly one. Now, I've been so quiet and distant to everyone. I don't even know why. I am not depressed. But my mood has been very unstable lately. The only remedy that I could think of is thinking happy thoughts. I tried smiling amidst my heavy workload. I tried eating my favorite food. I tried hanging out with people who attracts positivity. And, I tried looking for a good company to join me every day. To date, I am partially successful. But then, I still feel incomplete. I think I need to understand myself more.

What do you think is still missing in me? How about you? Have felt incomplete even once in your life? When?


Maturity Chronicles: Forgiveness.

July 16, 2014

Have you even tried to to give to someone a forgiveness that he/she never asked for, nor he/she deserves?
Well, I did. Trust me, it was not easy. It took me 5 mood swings and 10-time anger repression just to do it. But I did it, and now, I am happier.

Sometimes, I hold grudges against people. Those people who caused me pain are never worth my time and forgiveness. However, I realized that it is better to "kill them with kindness", than to hold on to my negative thoughts and negative emotions against them. And yes, finally, I was able to forgive them, even if they never apologized in the first place. Now, I made an oath to myself that by default, I will choose positive thoughts and try to "stay away" from bad vibes. Step by step, I know that I will be able to make it through.

All for now! :)
P.S. Think happy thoughts, okay? :)

Going back.

November 10, 2013

So, school starts again tomorrow. Actually, I never wctually felt that we had a semestral break, it is more like a long weekend. Our school break is just enough to give us a breather from our usual day-to-day chaos. So, yeah, tomorrow will be the start of another battle for me. Am I prepared? Yes. I am almost always prepared for anything. But, do I really want this semester to start tomorrow? No. I think I need one more week (or two) as an extension. (But, that's not possible).

I only had two good weeks as a vacation. (I know I should be thankful for this, but a little extension won't hurt, right? Haha). Moving on, within that two weeks, I did all the things that I never had a chance to do during our school days. Well, actually, I just slept and read a novel. Haha. Oh, I also watched few movies and went out to have a "Me Day". Hahaha. :)

And, at the blink of an eye, my vacation is about to end. Geez, time flies so fast. 

Moving in. Moving on.

September 15, 2013

Hello! I know that it's been a while since I made a new blog post. I am partly busy, and I am partly stressed, so I guess that explains everything. :P

The only instance which pushed me to take a long hiatus from the whole blogosphere is because we moved out and changed our residence. Our new home is not that far from our old house, but I consider that whole "moving-out-process" as a very life-changing process.

As you might not know, this is the first time I moved out of our home without the intention of returning and living therein permanently. To simply put it, I will completely leave our old house, and move to a new house. I was actually very excited, and what excites me was the fact that we can finally have a place that we can consider as "our own home". To be honest, our new home is much better than our old house, not because of its structure, nor its decoration. It is because of the comfort and peace that we have in our new home. I thank God, with all my heart, because we finally found a place that we can consider as our sanctuary. Actually, by saying "our new home", what I meant was the house that we leased. So, basically, we do not actually own this house. Haha. :)

So now on the bitty-gritty part, the "clean up-move out" process. As I was fixing my things and other effects, I realized that I kept (and/or hoarded) a lot useless, yet memorable, stuff. I was able to keep letters from my high school friends (we used to pass notes with each other and call it as "love letters"). Haha. Also, I was able to keep a huge pile of old pictures. I was really enamored by the fact that I was able to keep pictures that will help me remember too much memories, ad some of it are the ones I should not remember anymore. But hey, I am a big girl now, I can handle more sentimental shiznits now, unlike before. Lastly, I was amazed by the fact that I was able to keep some cute gifts and small presents from my friends. I left it untouched, opened, but untouched. Crazy, right? I should've used or utilized those gifts, instead of letting them rot in my closet. Maybe I already forgot about those gifts, or maybe, I don't want to use it. I just want to keep it, together with the memories enveloped with it. Weird. :-/

The sad part is, I need to throw all of my "useless-yet-memorable" stuff. I have to do it, or else our new house will be filled with old, useless, close-to-junk stuff. I don't want that to happen, of course. Therefore, I have to start anew. It is as if I hit the "Refresh" button of my life. I need not to stop being sentimental, but I need to throw away some memories that will not help me move forward.

The part that I love most in this process is the one where I can finally say that my life is actually "refreshed". But, I have not reached that part yet. So, I guess I have to wait. Little by little, day by day, I will get through it. There no over way of going there, but by getting through, right?



July 05, 2013

My Life = Stress.

I am trying to juggle a lot of things all at the same time. How the heck am I going to focus if I am doing 5 things at the same time, any suggestions? Well, perhaps I need a time off with some of the things I used to do. That is the reason, not an excuse, why I can't make blog posts frequently. The pleasure of time is not on my hands right now. Though, I wish I had, but this is the life I chose. Haha.

Actually, I have too much on my plate right now. I do not know where to start, but I know this will end. Soon enough, I will look back to these blog posts and reminisce what kind of person I was. Oh well, too much for random blogging, I guess. I have to stay away from the causes of my procrastination. Time to hit the books!

Have a great day everyone!


Too much.

June 17, 2013

Honestly, keeping and maintaining 4 blogs is not an easy task. I really love blogging, but I need to give up one of my domains. Why? For the reason that I'm running out of funds. I can't renew all of my four domains anymore. I just need to give up one of it. Or, maybe, sell it. Hence, don't be surprised if you won't be seeing this blog again, or this domain will be managed by another person. I just can't manage all of my four blogs, plus my academics, plus my extra curricular activities, plus my family/social life (if I have one!) haha!

I think my heart will break if I will leave the blogging world. I actually think that blogging is part of my life. I love self-expression and social networking in general. That's why I'm like this.

No matter how hard I try to managed my time, I really need to give up something. I am actually on the verge of giving up blogging. Maybe if one day I can find a good and legitimate way of earning funds for my domains, I'll continue to blog. Or maybe, I'll still blog using Blogspot and/or Tumblr. It cannot be that bad, right?

Maybe one day I'll say goodbye to all of my domains. :( I'm hope not. 


At the wrong place.

May 19, 2013

I admitted to myself that I have nothing to blog, but it took me awhile to actually realize that I was looking for an inspiration at the wrong places. I kept on reading and/or visiting travel blogs, fashion blogs, and review blogs to get some pieces of information for my next blogpost, but I failed. But then again, I forgot where I am actually good at, which is writing straight from my heart.

I kept on reading novels and watching movies, thinking that I could get inspiration therefrom. I kept on searching for my right inspiration. It turns out that I was actually looking at the wrong place. I have been looking at "the other side of blogging", I actually forgot the real importance of it, self-expression.

I have nothing against blogging about movie/product/book reviews, I actually think it is cool! And, I have nothing against the other types of blogs, I actually learned from them. This is just me being me, you know, thinking out loud. Maybe this time I will change my approach to my blogging habits. Maybe this time, I will not stress myself to find for an inspiration. Maybe, just maybe, I will do myself a favor and start writing about the things that I actually feel. And maybe, this time, I will let my heart speak.

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